7 simple steps to have more mature dating skills than a sixth-grader

There is literally no question more central to existence than “how are you?” — and other painful truths.

Éduoard Manet

Single people of America, I’m sick of watching you mess this up. Allow me to offer simple ways you can fix it.

A caveat: it took me about 10 years of dating somewhere around 100 women — numbers I take no pride in whatsoever — to find myself firmly in a relationship again.

So, I’m clearly a deeply flawed person; and I don’t know what I’m doing any better than the next self-centered member of industrial society.

But, I am in a relationship, so that automatically makes me more clear-headed than you. There is no limit to stupid stuff you’ll do when you’re dating, and did you ever notice how the only sane people you meet are already taken?

Consider me your friend who had to work late, has thus shown up at the bar sober, and who is trying to talk you out of going home with Dracula — as mysterious and handsome as he is.

I’ll probably be drunk again myself tomorrow, and poised to do something equally as foolish. For now, just hear me out.

1. Stop looking for someone who “challenges” you